If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
