if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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