i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
