do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
