I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
