Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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