i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize