dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
