I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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