Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
