i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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