i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
