Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
