Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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