If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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