Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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