just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
