who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
