woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
