I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
