Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
