Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
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We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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