i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
MIDGETS
????
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
