I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
