the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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