ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
