Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
