Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
