I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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