ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
