I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
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Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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