Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
