he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
