I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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