I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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