things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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