I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize