Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
