capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
