i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
