He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
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It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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