True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
