Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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