I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
