I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you would pick up someone in the library
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
this is an emotional support booty call
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
