I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
