but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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