new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
