i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
