Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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