Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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