This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
