Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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