dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
