omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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