I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I didn't notice because vodka
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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