Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
