I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
