idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
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I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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