I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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