Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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