I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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