his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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