the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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