I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we're making bets on your personal life
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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