life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We need to rekindle our bromance
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Less talking, more tequila
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
