I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im holly from the hills drunk
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
