Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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