So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
