I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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