Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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