While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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