Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I got inside last night via doggy door
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
