Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
In America we eat man semen.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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