And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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