Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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