Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
