Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
