you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
