I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
"it" just moved
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
