Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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