Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
