Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
