I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
